She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
