I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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