Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
