I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
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I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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