In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
