His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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