Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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