just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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