you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
