my phone needs a breathalizer
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Come back. Shots need mouths.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
