That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
