The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
