this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
