I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize