I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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