Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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