I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
