Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I believe in your delicious
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
