I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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