Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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