Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
