i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
