Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
