It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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