I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
