Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
