dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You ruined the universe
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
