Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
