he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
