I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
