this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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