for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
