i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i barfeds in our rink
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
