I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
