Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
