well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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