I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
