i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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