I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
