But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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