fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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