I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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