Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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