Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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