True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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