I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
