Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
