last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
porn star boner night. come get it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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