i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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