He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
