Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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