Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you had me at cake vodka
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
