Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
