the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
