just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
