weddingsv make me drug and hornr
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
