she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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