Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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