I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
