I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
