man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
