In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
