Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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