he was CRYING into my vagina
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
