Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
