i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
