She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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