I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You work out of a Hotel?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
