thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
