I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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