he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
