I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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