My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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