do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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