I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
