Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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