Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
