Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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