and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
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He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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