Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
