I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
